How to Maintain Your Relationship through the Stress of Your Wedding

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I once met a woman. She had everything organised for the “happiest day” of her life. The venue was one of the top places on the Northern Beaches. The cake, the band, the MC and the 150+ guests – all planned. Her budget was $100,000 but eventually she went over. “What about your fiancé?” I asked, “What does he want?”

“Ah, he’s happy with what I’m organising,” she replied, “In fact, he just wants to have fun.”

The average wedding costs $50,000 and is nearly the biggest expense for a young couple, second only to buying a home. No wonder it causes stress. You want your wedding to be perfect. You want it to be remembered for all the right reasons. Remember: stress is the gap between expectations and reality. You want to fulfil everyone’s expectations, including your own. 

The guest list for some reason gets a dynamic of its own. Your family insists that you invite relatives from overseas. Inviting them means you need to invite the other lot too, and that is just your family – with the family of your partner the number of guests has doubled.One thing leads to another and lo and behold, you realise that your budget, the venue and your plan is too small. More stress! Are you both on the same page? Is one of you organising it all while the other watches from the fence? 

So what can you do to avoid the stress? Ask yourself what you both want from the wedding. Be open. Remember it is your party; it is your day together. You both want to feel good before, during and after the wedding. It is not a competition! No need trying to outperform someone else. Instead of spending $50,000 on an event causing you stress, you are better off spending money on your relationship. Travel together. Find out what it takes to create and maintain a life-long relationship. That’s by far the best investment you can make. The biggest challenge is not to organise a stunning wedding. The biggest challenge is to keep your relationship happy for the years to come. We’ve all heard of couples spending huge amounts on their wedding only to find out a few years later that it doesn’t work. 

My question to you: “What kind of party gives you both the most joy?”. Go with your intuition. •

About the author: Jürgen Schmechel is the founder of Inspiring Relationships where he supports people to create and maintain a loving, intimate and respectful relationship using his unique approach. To find out more, visit his website: Inspiring-Relationships.com.au or call 0415 509 275.