Love your sport, love your partner


In the summer of 1984, I drove from Hamburg in Germany all the way down to the Costa Brava in Spain. I’d just started windsurfing. My girlfriend and I wanted to experience the beauty of the Mediterranean summer and be in the waves as much as we could.

We arrived after driving through the night with my old VW Beetle in the blistering sun of Spain. It was so beautiful. We pitched our tent and went to the beach. 

Over the next few days, I was on the surf board practicing. On the fourth or fifth day, my girlfriend started to complain.

“I thought we would have a nice holiday together. But you are never here. Either you are whinging about the wind being either too much or too little, or you are away on your surfboard learning. Where am I in your thoughts?” 

Oops – that was a direct message – I’d clearly neglected her over the past couple of days!

You love your sport. You love the competition. You love to be out there with your friends and competitors. Do you think of your partner and their feelings? You might be overly committed to your sport and not showing the commitment to your partner. 

While this is definitely true for both genders, I find it more often amongst men; sport can easily become an addiction and men are more prone to fall for addictions in general.

So what can you do? First, talk to your partner. It all comes back to communication. Tell him or her how important this sport is for you, for your personal growth and for your personal pleasure. Make clear that you are 100% committed to your relationship and that you don’t want to lose the connection with your partner just because of this sport and competition. 

But still, there must be a healthy compromise between your sport, your relationship, and maybe family responsibilities too.

And for the person who literally sits on the sideline… I urge you to watch your partner’s competition through the filter of love and understanding. They are not doing it to run away from your relationship, they are doing it for themselves and their pride. Help your partner find an equilibrium between their sport and your relationship.

In my new book, you will find over 50 tips you can apply straight away to improve your relationship. To order the book visit: •

Northern Beaches Relationship Expert and Certified Results Coach Jürgen Schmechel.
0415 509 275